Loneliness

Loneliness

Goes to the United States had been my dream in my early life. As the United States is the world’s most famous country, I believed that I would realize my dream when I lived with the most talented and famous people. However, when I got there, I realized that it was a big challenge for me. While I was seeking the road success, something I considered to be important in life was slowly disappearing. The longing for my family and my friends increased the loneliness in my heart and made me feel lost.

At the beginning, I was really longing for my parents. In China, I was living with my parents, so we spent a lot of time to stay together. I would share my situation with them whether they were good or not. Then, my parents would give me some useful advice, which was from their life’s experience. Furthermore, I was the pearl in my parents’ eyes. They would be proud of my success and worry about so many things in my daily life, which always became the cause of our quarrels. Since I arrived in the United States, the situation has change. My parents are still living in China, but I am here in the United States. My house is no longer warm or has happiness inside. Instead, it just remains cold and lonely.

Beside my parents, I also feel separated from my big family. In my family, I was the only girl in my generation. “Lady first” seems the motto in my cousin’s minds. I was like the young flower, which was cared by the plant workers in the greenhouse. However, in the United States, I am the only person in my family who lives here. I don’t like the flower that stayed in the greenhouse. It is now out, suffering the strong storm. In addition, when I was in China, I was living not far away with my relatives, so we could get together to celebrate festivals. That is why I was so eager for my holidays and festivals. Since I have been lived in the United States, the Chinese festivals have become no so special expect to identify who am I. Last Thursday was my second Mid-autumn Festival in the United States, except the moon-cake, there was not any other special meaning for me. I was busy for my work and didn’t have time to prepare a big meal. When I went home, it was so quite in my house. It made me feel like the day was not in festival.

In addition, I am also missing my old friends who are living far away from me. In China, I was confident when I spent time with my old friends because I knew them since my childhood. I could talk anything that I wanted. When I arrived in the United States, I was also looking forward to this pure friendship. Disappointingly, the United States is a salad bowl which contains a mix of many cultures. With the different languages and individual backgrounds, it sometimes makes me feel like an invisible estrangement when I wanted to make friends with others. In Chicago, I have a Japanese friend who always tries her best to help others. We created the study team after class to improve our English. However, as the different language, it is hard for us to express our ideas and needed to use the dictionary to help us. Would you like to talk to your friend who always looking up worlds in a dictionary?

When I am in the United States, I want to get rid of the lonely, but it seems difficult for me. Cutting off the connection with my family and friends has made me losing the way on my life, but I know that the time will change it. I will find the equilibrium point to balance the relationship between my family and me. Eventually, I will build my own friendship in the future because I believe that another window will open to replace the one closed when I was in China.